5 Ways to Make It H.O.T.T. with your Spouse to Keep the Passion, Intimacy and Zest Alive written by Marriage Coach, Jenny Bair, MHE, AACC Member
I just finished the GOTT Sex? Course from the Gottman Institute in Seattle. They have been leaders in marriage research for over 40 years. They have vast expertise on communication, intimacy, and all things to make a long-lasting, thriving marriage. I made up some of my own list based on the many books I’ve been reading lately. This is what I get excited about; making marriages and families work for years to come! I want to help couples break the national average length of marriage and become an unstoppable force of LOVE.
1. Make a Passion & Intimacy Date Night/Time
Reserve a spot each week at a time that works for you both; where you are both more likely to be present for and with each other. (Some people choose a weekend time, a weeknight and some choose a lunch time; it’s completely what works for you two!)
2. Make our time together an EXPERIENCE not just time together.
Put some advanced thought into how you will spend this time together.
(i.e. Candles, feathers, mood lighting, music, no cell phones, no TV)
3. Tell your partner one thing that you admire and why you choose them in day to day life and your sexy life
Nobody gets tired of hearing how they are seen, loved, and appreciated.
4. Get your Touch On & Turn on All of Your Senses
Most couples spend an average of 2 minutes touching before sexual activity happens. 2 minutes may be “good” for you but not so good for your partner. The average married sexual encounter lasts about 11-20 minutes.
So, the only way to know if your partner desires more touching is to ask or just try more touching before the other activity starts to see how he/she responds to different touches. We tend to be an Orgasm focused culture and may miss the journey and evolution of all the other goodness on the journey to pleasing each other. Many women report the infamous to-do list that they feel they have to check off before they can relax many men need to release before they care about the list. I can bet you will both enjoy 5-15 minutes of just touching, rubbing, tickling, scratching or combo of those before anything else occurs. Touch can be a HUGE connector along with emotional connection being the first step. Try incorporating some beautiful smelling massage oils, lotions, essential oils or sprays that are pleasing to each of you. It’s good to both scents on hand that you both really enjoy. Settle down, you can get some great oils and lotions at your local Target for under 10 bucks; no need to break the bank with some amazing products. One line that is delightful is called Shea Moisture established in 1912; plus they’re a clean product.
5. Settle yourself down with the pressure to be perfect and just be PRESENT.
Bring your passion and positive intent to be attentive to your partner and be receptive to receiving; that’s really the only task at hand.
I hope that you have some fun with these ideas to connect through touch with your spouse.
In all HOTT-ness,
(Honor our Togetherness)
Ms. Jenny Bair, MHE